- by Kalah
Creatures | Structures
The armies of Ygg-Chall is one of balance that allows both the classic hit-and-run tactics of Dungeon while ensuring a possible long-term battle. Troglodytes and Striders bring their toughness to support their allies, while Stalkers and Medusas bring ranged fire power to the lineup. Black dragons can be replaced by Hydras for a bulkier frontline.
| 18 HP|
Berserk, Double Strike
Strike and Return, No Retaliation
(Elite, walker, shooter)
|Shadow Dragon/Black Dragon
|Cave Hydra/Dark Hydra
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- by Kalah
Creatures | Structures
The home of Might-aligned troops, who have shunned almost all forms of magic. Stronghold armies are native to the dry and rough terrain, while the neutral Might-aligned creatures belong in the deep oceans of the world.
Click an image for an artwork view
(level 1 walker)
| 18 HP|
Berserk, Double Strike
(level 1 shooter)
(level 2 walker)
(level 2 flyer)
| 24 HP|
Strike and Return, No Retaliation
(level 3 walker)
(level 3 shooter)
(level 4 flyer)
(level 4 walker)
Neutral Might Creatures
(level 2 walker)
| 38 HP
(level 4 walker)
| 275 HP
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- by Marzhin
References, winks and nods in Heroes VI
Here is a complete list of all references and private jokes that found their way into Heroes VI.Legacy Heroes:
- Lord Kilburn appeared in Might & Magic 1, Heroes 1 & 2, and was mentioned in M&M 6
- Lord Haart appeared in Might & Magic 2 and Heroes 1, 2 & 3.
- Maximus appeared in Might & Magic 3 and 7, and Heroes 1 & 2.
- Adelaide appeared in Heroes 3 & 4.
- Moander appeared in Heroes 3 & 4.
- Luna appeared in Heroes 1, 2, 3 & 4.
- Ludmilla appeared in Clash of Heroes.
- Kaspar appeared in Heroes 5.
- Nymus appeared in Heroes 3, and in the M&M novel “The Sea of Mist”. Her bio lampshade the existence of another (male) hero called Nymus in H5.
- Lorhish appeared in Clash of Heroes and might turn into Grawl from H5. He is named after Capybara's composer Sean Lorhish.
- Jeddite appeared in Heroes 3 & 4. His bio mentions he saw under Kha-Beleth's helmet, which mirrors his original bio which mentioned he saw the demon king Xenofex' true face.
- Xana appeared in Dark Messiah.
- Atlas appeared in Might & Magic 5 and Heroes 1 & 2.
- Kalindra appeared in Might & Magic 5 and Heroes 2.
- Ciele appeared in Heroes 3 (Armageddon’s Blade).
- Tazar appeared in Heroes 3 & 4.
- Shiva appeared in Heroes 3 & 4. Her bio mentions the Dragon Utopia (classic Heroes location), the Sunken Temple (from H5), the Tomb of a Thousand Terrors (final dungeon of Might & Magic 4 and 9) and the Thunderbird (Stronghold unit in Heroes 3 & 4).
- The hero Mokka is named after a restaurant in Budapest where Ubi and BH teams had dinner a few times.
- The hero Umberto is named after Umberto Eco. His character is similar to Eco's William de Baskerville from The Name of the Rose.
- The heroes Igor and Gritchka (seen in Haven 2) are named after Igor and Grichka Bogdanoff.
- The hero Erika is named after the late Erika Walters (a.k.a Flamestryke), who hosted one of the most complete websites dedicated to the M&M RPGs before she tragically passed away a few years ago.
- The hero Harald is named after M&M fan Znork.
- The hero Eduardo is named after M&M fan Vitirr.
- Sir Jaywoods the vampire is a pun on James Woods (who appeared in the movie Vampires) and also the name of a place near Kurt McClung's hometown in Indiana.
- Cordelia is named after the character Cordelia Chase from TV series Buffy and Angel.
- Montbard the Red Templar is named after André de Montbard, one of the founders of the real-world Templars.
- Ishtvan Griffin is named after Istvan Zsuffa, Black Hole's Creative Director.
- Acamas is named after the Cyclops of the same name that appear in Greek mythology.
- Zhaoyu is named after M&M fan EvilP (aka Moyue).
- Azkaal is named after Askaal, an alias used by Loic Portnoe, a game designer who worked on various M&M projects. Early in development that demon was actually called Nar-Olosshtu...
- A necropolis town in the map Stronghold 3 is named Abin-Sur in reference to a comic-book character (one of the Green Lanterns).
- A Haven town in Necropolis 1 is named Skarena. Skarena is the Breton name of Scrignac, the small village Julien Pirou's family comes from
- Castle Portmeyron in Inferno 4 is named after Portmeyrion, the village of the TV series The Prisoner.
- The town of Seahaven in Inferno 4 is named after the city of The Truman Show.
- The town of Sorpigal-by-Sea bears a classic town name from the Might & Magic series (Sorpigal was the starting town of Might & Magic 1, and New Sorpigal was the starting town of Might & Magic 6)
- Several towns are named after towns that appeared in previous Might & Magic games.
- Most of Stronghold town names are real Maori words.
- Many Inferno town names are based on demon names from the Ars Goetia (Lesser Key of Salomon).
- The icon for the Taunt ability looks a lot like the "Rude Frenchman" from the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
- Angelic Alliance was an artifact in Heroes III the Shadow of Death.
- Sword of Whistlebone was an artifact in Might & Magic VIII.
- Iron Feather was an artifact in Might & Magic VII.
- Souldrinker is based on an unused concept art from Dark Messiah. A different Souldrinker sword appears in Dark Messiah as well, hence the reference to several cursed blades bearing the name.
- The Staff of Sandro is obviously named after fan-favourite hero Sandro.
- Many artifacts are based on classic artifacts from the Heroes series.
- The Guardian Set is similar to the Battle Garb of Anduran, the very first artifact set that appeared in Heroes 2.
- Crag Hack's helmet is a reference to fan-favourite barbarian hero Crag Hack.
- In Stronghold 4, there's a quest to find the wreck of the "Jolly Raven", a pirate ship sunken "25 years ago". Finding the wreck of the Jolly Raven was one of the quests of the original Might & Magic RPG 25 years ago.
- In Inferno 2, a Quest is titled "Secret of the Inner Sanctum", the subtitle of the first Might & Magic game.
- In Inferno 4, a Quest is named "Be Seeing You", another reference to The Prisoner...
- Mandate of Heaven is a reference to Might & Magic 6: The Mandate of Heaven.
- Solmyr's Student is a reference to fan-favourite hero Solmyr ibn wali Barad.
- The Gathering Storm is a reference to the first add-on to Heroes 4.
- Festival of Life is the name of a campaign in Heroes 3 Armageddon's Blade.
- Follow Me If You Want to Live is a reference to a line from the Terminator movies.
- Foolhardy Waywardness is the name of a campaign in Heroes 3 Armageddon's Blade.
- For Blood and Honor is a reference to Might & Magic 7.
- Day of the Destroyer is a reference to Might & Magic 8.
- Disciple of Sheltem is a reference to Sheltem, the first Big Bad of the Might & Magic games who destroyed whole planets.
- Ironfist is a reference to the Ironfist dynasty of Varn and Enroth.
- Dwarven Treasury I, II & III are a reference to an adventure map location seen in Heroes 3.
- Dragon Utopia is a classic adventure map location of the Heroes series.
- Clunkfest is a reference to a comment made by M&M fan Dreamwright on the forums (about some units having such over-the-top armors it was becoming a "clunkfest").
- In Yog's Footsteps is a reference to fan-favourite hero Yog, a former Wizard who rejected magic to become a barbarian.
- Gryphonheart is a reference to the Gryphonheart dynasty of Erathia.
- Back in Black is a reference to a song by AC/DC.
- Terminator is NOT a reference to the movie of the same name but to an enemy seen in the old Might & Magic RPGs which could exterminate party characters.
- Nobody is Left Behind is a reference to Disney's Lilo & Stitch. Really.
- The Untouchables is a pun in reference to Eliott Ness and his crew.
- Demolition Man is a reference to the Stallone/Snipes movie of the same name.
- Requiem for a Dream is a reference to the movie of the same name.
- The Pusher is a reference to a song by Steppenwolf, featured prominently is the movie Easy Rider.
- Quick and Furious is a reference to the movie franchise The Fast and the Furious.
- Several classic items can be seen on the Hall of Raiders and Artifact Merchant buildings: Armageddon's Blade, the Lion Shield of Heroes II and Lord Kilburn's shield seen in Might & Magic VI.
- In Necropolis 4, a signpost mentions a "Temple of Meow" dedicated to the worship of Rakshasas. It's an old joke in the M&M series where each Might & Magic world had its own "Temple of (animal sound)" (Temple of Bark, Temple of Baa, Temple of Honk, Temple of Moo, etc.)
- In Necropolis 4, a signpost mentions Lord Kilburn's maps of the desert being the most accurate. In Might & Magic 1, the player needed to find Kilburn to obtain a map of the desert.
- The underground city of Sarkomand and its "winged lions" (Lamasu) is a reference to a place seen in HP Lovecraft's Dreamlands (especially The Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath).
- In Haven 3 a signpost is dedicated to Zedd, an M&M fan who passed away during the production of H6.
- In Inferno 1, some signposts contain references to the movie Princess Bride.
- Several references to fan-favourite Barbarian hero Crag Hack in signposts, and mentions of his feud with Baron Rufus. Rufus is the name of Varkas' dog in Clash of Heroes, so Varkas might be a descendant of Baron Rufus himself and named his dog after his famous ancestor.
- Various references and (very probably bad) puns in Quest names.
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- by MMXAlamar
The Might & Magic X Project
Might & Magic X: Children of the Void is a fan-based, non-profit game development project that will be designed in the fashion of MM6, MM7, and MM8, with completely new features including brand new interface screens, new characters, new items, and a completely original storyline dedicated to classic Might and Magic lore, picking up where the famous series left off, and all taking place on the HoMM 4 continent on Axeoth - a never-before explored land in a Might and Magic RPG.
The purpose of making Might & Magic X is so that we, the die-hard fans of the M&M series, can use our individual talents toward creating a new chapter in the legacy of the old worlds of Might and Magic, which Ubisoft Entertainment have abandoned in favor of a brand new course of events. We at M&MX completely respect Ubisoft's decisions and humbly want to honor the original Might and Magic franchise by making a brand new game for all the fans in the community, which will be available for free download upon its completion.
2) Joining the Project
The M&MX project is currently looking for developer assistance in the following areas:
2D Concept Artists Includes designing character and monster concept sketches, as well as dungeon and map concept sketches. The only requirement for becoming a 2D Concept Artist is that you need to be fairly skilled in drawing with pencil and paper, or other mediums, such as watercolor, pen, or paint. You may be asked to color in your drawings, and your artwork will likely be displayed gloriously when we launch our brand new website.
2D Graphic Designers Includes the designing of in-game graphics such as items, armor, weapons, relics, static objects, characters, and paper dolls, etc. You will need to utilize programs such as Photoshop, Paint, or Gimp, etc. We would like to maintain the same quality of graphics as MM6-8, so if you can design things in that nature, we would greatly enjoy working with you!
3D Environment Designers / Video Editors Includes the utilization of programs such as 3ds Max to create animated environment designs, as well as in-game videos. For example, before entering a dungeon, there is a small video clip that plays showing the details of the dungeons outer appearance. These video clips are rendered in 3dsMax (Other 3d programs are acceptable). Video editors will be able to create fantastic and exciting clips that will be displayed during cut-scenes and dungeon entry screens in the completed game.
3D Monster Sprite Designers Includes designing and rendering 3D animations of monsters that will be present as enemies (or possibly allies) in the completed game. This aspect of game development is a bit tedious, but generally fairly easy. The only requirement is a 3d program. Training will be provided for those interested in this game aspect, though it is expected that those utilizing a 3d program already know its' functions.
Musical Composers and Sound Technicians Includes the composition of tracks to be played in-game on the M&MX soundtrack, as well as sound effects ranging from chest traps, to spell effects, to monster sounds. It will be a difficult task to follow in the footsteps of the great Paul Romero and Rob King, but if you think you're up to the challenge please apply and compose beautiful music for us!
Writers Includes the writing of storyline, quests, dialogue, backstory, history, NPC dialogue, character, town, and dungeon name creation, etc. Requires a great deal of imagination and creativity, as well as an extensive knowledge of Might and Magic history and lore. We generally get more applications for writers, so only the best of the best, and the most dedicated writers will be selected to write for the M&MX project.
3) Contact the M&MX Development Team
Please note that since this is a 100% non-profit project, you will not be compensated for any of your work, and it may not be used in the final game if your contribution isn't meaningful enough. All completed works are the sole property of the artist or writer, and may freely be displayed in your portfolio, though may not be sold or distributed anywhere beyond the M&MX project. All of our meaningful developers who have contributed significantly to our project may include this job in their official resume and will receive their name proudly displayed in the finished game's credits.
Thank you very much for your support!
- Alamar, Producer of M&MX
- Vector, Executive Producer of M&MX
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- by Kalah
King's Bounty: The Legend... is a remake of the turn-based fantasy RPG released New World Computing in 1990. Developed by Katauri Interactive, it was released worldwide in September 2008. It surprised the fans with its quality and received good reviews from a multitude of sites:
- Eurogamer: 9 / 10
- GameSpy: 4.5 / 5
- IGN: 8.1 / 10
- WorthPlaying: 9.1 / 10
- - More reviews at MetaCritic-
King's Bounty: Armored PrincessThis standalone sequel to The Legend was released in November 2009, and it also received good reviews:
- by Kalah
The first Heroes of Might and Magic V Tribes of the East patch was released on 08/19/08.
If you want to install this patch, you do not need to install any of the others first.
Saves made in previous versions are not fully compatible with game v.3.0. It is recommended to restart the map to continue playing a saved campaign game.
Download LocationsEuropean/US :
Hungarian / Polish :
Content of the PatchHeroes of Might & Magic V
Patch version 3.1
Contents of Readme
1. System Requirements
3. Changes in patches
4. Known issues
6. Technical Support
7. Legal information
1. System Requirements
- OS: Windows 2000/XP, DirectX 9.0C
- CPU: Pentium 4 / Athlon 1.5 GHz or higher
- RAM: 512 MB or higher
- Video: 128 MB AGP GeForce4 Ti4200 / RADEON 8500 or higher video card
- CD/DVD-ROM speed: 32x
- Sound: DirectX compatible PCI 16-bit sound card
- OS: Windows 2000/XP, DirectX 9.0C
- CPU: Pentium 4 / Athlon 2,4 GHz or higher
- RAM: 1024MB or higher
- Video: 256 MB AGP 8x GeForceFX 6600 / RADEON x800 or higher video card
- CD/DVD-ROM speed: 32x
- Dolby Surround 5.1 sound processor
Please make sure that you are installing the right patch for your game version.
1. Before installing Heroes of Might & Magic V patch 3.1 please close all other programs.
2. Run patch installation file.
3. Follow the instructions.
Upon installation you can run the game either from windows start menu ('Start'
-> 'All Programs' -> 'Ubisoft' -> 'Heroes of Might and Magic V' -> 'Heroes
of Might and Magic V') or use 'Heroes.exe' file from the game installation
directory (By default, the game will be installed into
"C:Program FilesUbisoftHeroes of Might and Magic V").
Changes will not take effect if loading from the old save - Game restart will be needed.
3. Changes in patches:
(!) Some fixes will take effect only after map restart, if loading from an
older version save.
- correct Window Mode support
- Wide Screen support (including HDTV resolutions) (*)
- Portrait Screen resolutions support
- Dwarven Subterranean generation for Random Maps
- Custom Armies generation for Random Maps
- Water Zones generation for Random Maps
(*) dialogue scenes, loading screen and adventure scenes will be shown with correct aspect ratio, but not 100% wide screen
Bugs repaired and changes made:
- game no longer crashes after delayed action taken twice
- game no longer freezes if assassins are engaged in combat and defeated with another hero than Arantir
- fixed possible multithreading synchronization crash after map loaded and voiceover was playing
- fixed possible crashes when multiple combats triggered simultaneously for same player
- fixed game crash when player dispels hero curse with several ghosts
- fixed possible game freezing after a dialogue scene at mission end
Camera, graphics, interfaces:
- fixed empowered spells announcing again and again when getting artifacts and new skills and having no Destruction Magic skill
- fixed showing player's money (instead of ally's money) when accessing allied town's Town Build through Kingdom Overview
- fixed ignoring selected upgrades when hiring a "Buy All" caravan from another town
- fixed fast skipping several turns by quickly pressing End Turn button in missions with no AI opponents
- fixed sound not played for Stables at adventure map, added special Ghost Mode path plotting for Ghosts
- fixed dead stacks lying around Cyclops, having tooltips and sometimes shown as can be attacked
- fixed Defile Magic animation
- fixed announcing Blood Rage bonuses ahead of actual attack
- fixed and extended combat log messages - fixed creatures numbers remain at battlefield after killed by Arcane Crystal
- added Dungeon's Elemental Vision for player in Duel game
- fixed gaining gold amount shown in red at town Marketplace's Artifact Sale
- fixed Next Hero button switching to sleeping heroes
- fixed Multiplayer Profile Alignment calculation
- fixed Rain of Arrows perk available in spell book when there are no more visible favourite enemies present
- fixed cursor showing day path incorrectly when moving from boat to land having a Snatch ability
- fixed Inferno and Dungeon towns sacrificial building incorrect button tooltips
- fixed updating of turns counter at Town screen, Hero screen, Creature Info screen and Ghost Info screen (for Simultaneous Turns)
- fixed incorrect income details sometimes shown at first day of the game
- fixed interface actions not blocked properly on enemy turns and while playing scripted scenes
- fixed opening of Walker's Hut interface by shortcut ("Y" key) at Stronghold town when this building isn't built yet
- fixed host can set password of only 1 character and clients will be unable to connect blocked active hero sleep/wake triggering when interface blocked and on enemy turns
- added face to hero's tooltip in combat
- fixed occupied slots game information in LAN and Ubi.com Multiplayer lobbies when game creator closes some slots or switch them to A.I.
- fixed player could detect invisible creatures from cursor's shape using Goblin Trappers's ability
- fixed false Stunning Blow animation after Word of the Chief
- fixed defending army without hero could see creatures elements when attacked by wizard hero with Elemental Vision perk
Gameplay, mechanics, balance:
- fixed Zehir's ability to summon creatures if he doesn't have enough resources
- fixed double playback of cutscene if user double-clicks on the ritual place
Adventure mechanics and A.I.:
- fixed possibility to build Grail structure in Stronghold town if town level is below 15
- fixed impossibility to finish multiple level-ups after mission was already won
- fixed not giving growth bonus for several moon weeks of creatures
- fixed entering by hero, but not capturing enemy town when attacking only gate cell threatened by enemy hero
- fixed retreat possibility checking for simplified combats to fit one used in actual combats
- fixed ship's model displayed incorrectly after crossing whirlpools fast
- fixed alternative upgrades of Haven creatures can't be trained
- fixed multiple clicked objects triggering (Seer Hut, Sylana's Ancient and other)
- Stronghold's Town Halls now refill Barbarian hero's mana to maximum after one turn
- Astrologer Tower week change will now generate monsters at weeks of creatures and display moon weeks announcements
- Astrologer Tower week change will now affect creatures reserves in towns and dwellings, giving bonuses and penalties
- fixed hero remembers artifact set part combined after removal when he has same type of artifact in his bag already
- fixed heroes specializations weren't working for upgrades of creatures
- fixed A.I. heroes could stuck in front of caravans
- fixed Arcane Excellence to give +100 mana only once
- fixed heroes didn't learn spells from Academy town after Library build
Combat mechanics and A.I.:
- fixed Tactics skill working incorrectly when two heroes with the skill meet in battle
- fixed Battle Griffin can land at occupied position
- fixed Nomad Centaur does not use Maneuver abilities correctly
- fixed Nightmares Fear attack
- fixed retaliation strike from a friendly units attack under Puppet Master or Frenzy spell only affects other friendly units
- fixed combat AI abusing Defend command and using only Wait command, thus making its army more vulnerable
- fixed Arcane Crystal explode making open gate shown as closed
- fixed Arcane Crystal dealing damage to siege walls, gate and towers
- fixed Mask of Equity giving double bonuses
- fixed heroes fleeing estimation for Hard and Heroic difficulty levels
- fixed spells working for Barbarians and war cries working for other heroes classes when given from Editor
- fixed situation when creature moves with attack under Storm, dies on path, but still attacks target
- fixed making further attacks after stack already died
- fixed Sylvan hero can use Rain of Arrows perk on invisible units
- fixed Deadly Strike, Vorpal Sword and alike attacks reduced by Blood Rage damage reduction
- fixed Evil-eye not casting debuff onto secondary targets
- fixed duel 3x3's illegal combat bonuses granted to gated units as a consequence of switching heroes
- fixed duel 3x3's possibility to cast Defile Magic to another hero than one that is opponent's active
- fixed duel 3x3's applying Helmar's artifact set effects (Dwarven set)
- fixed duel 3x3's war machines destroyed for all enemy heroes at once
- fixed duel 3x3's incorrect combat bonuses and Firewall working while switching heroes
- fixed phantom creatures become non-phantom after Vampirism spell applied to them
- fixed Hives could attack invisible creatures
- fixed Ride By Attack was used when creature runs away
- fixed entangled Treants runs away
- fixed Lucky Spells not working for empowered Deep Freeze
- fixed AI ignores summoned creatures
- creatures under Puppet Master or seduction now can be attacked by both armies
- fixed orcish heroes (Haggash duel preset) could have spells from artifacts (Banish)
- fixed March of the Golems was not affecting Magnetic Golems' initiative
- fixed Horned Leapers could leap when entangled
- tuned AI to use spells in more active manner
- fine-tuned A.I. combat targeting, including avoiding of damaging own creatures by destroying Arcane Crystal
Random Map Generator:
- bug with abandoned mine fixed (it supplied only gold before)
- bug with snow road movement penalty fixed
- new objects added: Redwood Observatory, Den of Thieves, Eldritch Well
- fixed rare bug with isolated players zones
- crash fixed when trying to make screenshot if AI-Geometry mode is active.
- fixed any heroes can have Barbarian's abilities
- fixed scripted AI was unable to find path to target through heroes' threat area
- fixed IsHeroInTown script command
- fixed MessageBox function callback to be called even after message box was closed automaticlly on timeout or turn switch
- now CaptureTrigger object field works for monsters banks buildings, game will try to call given script function when bank captured
- fixed growth bonuses was not taken away after dwelling was destroyed from script
- fixed removing of last creature from stack when there are still more stacks available in monsters army
- added additional parameters to several script functions
- added new script functions
|Comments (10)||Add comment|
- by Kalah
The Round Table Weekly Collection
Studio Commentary: "Now, I know many of you... that is, at least some of you... all right, all right, it was only one but I thought it was a decent idea... to bring back the member interview. Who's the lucky member? Well, I thought it would be nice to welcome back someone who joined up long ago, left us to rot for a while and came back for a second helping only by written request."
Anchor: "ScarlettP, welcome."
ScarlettP: "Oh my Gawd, wher'd you get that lovely costume?"
Anchor: "Um... well it's not a costume as much as it is my work suit."
ScarlettP: "Well, it's lovely. I make a livin' outta makin' things like that. Who made those tentacles?"
Anchor: "Sorry...? Oh, you mean my tie?"
ScarlettP: "... you're wearin' eight of 'em?"
Anchor: "Couldn't decide."
Anchor: "So... you're a costume designer, and I've seen a couple of them – I say, that Fairy Gothmother one was just excellent."
ScarlettP: "Why, I do declare, I think I'm startin' to blush." *giggle*
Anchor: "So, let's begin, shall we... you were a prominent member of the old board and I believe a close acquaintance of our editor?"
ScarlettP: "Yeh, hated 'im."
Anchor: "...errrrright, well you're not the only one."
ScarlettP: "He was such an ass, just totally went on my nerves."
Anchor: "I know exactly what you mean."
ScarlettP: "And he wrote this absolutely terrible and harassing piece of me and I just loathed 'im for it."
Anchor: "Right! I'm glad somebody finally supports me on this, he's such a terrible guy to work for with his many eccentricities and bad tempers and his total lack of tact – I mean he's just not a very nice guy at all, right?"
ScarlettP: "Sure he is."
Anchor: "And the way he dresses – I mean have you ever seen a more... um, what?"
ScarlettP: "He's a nice guy."
Anchor: "Um... 'keeeey, I was kinda betting on some backing there."
ScarlettP: "Ain't gettin' it. Kalah rocks."
Anchor: "He really doesn't that much."
ScarlettP: "Well, after the initial encounter I found that he was a nice a guy after all."
Anchor: "Right. So I'm facing the guy alone after the broadcast. That bodes well for me. Let's go to something else, like you, Scarlett..."
ScarlettP: "Call me Lety, if ya like."
Anchor: "Right, that wide Southern accent of yours, is it a matter of practice or does it just come naturally to speak like you have a fiddle in your throat?"
ScarlettP: "Yeh, I changed my mind, call me Scarlett."
Anchor: "What I want to know is, how long does it take you to make a costume?"
ScarlettP: "Two hours."
Anchor: "Ah. Well, how much do they cost to make?"
ScarlettP: "A dollar ninety-five."
Anchor: "No, seriously."
ScarlettP: "Two hundred and sixty five thousand."
Anchor: "I guess we'll just say it varies. New topic. When will you finish that campaign of yours?"
ScarlettP: "What campaign?"
Anchor: "Oh, come on."
ScarlettP: "I'm busy with real life stuff at the moment. And have been for some time. Dunno when it'll be finished, if ever."
Anchor: "OK, what's your favourite colour?"
ScarlettP: "Gone with the wind."
ScarlettP: "Curried chicken with apples 'n dried cranberries."
Anchor: "Why, you're just a southern stereotype, aren't you?"
ScarlettP: "Nah. I'm just a lady."
Anchor: "You mean, over-sensitive and sobbing all the time?"
ScarlettP: "Boo-hooo... what do you meaaan?" *sob*
Anchor: "Oh, come on now, don't be like that... here, have a piece of cake."
ScarlettP: "Oh, that's so nice of you, I'm so touched I think I'm gonna cry..."
Anchor: "Right... Em, can we get back to your return to the forums... you came back after some pressure from our editor, can I just ask what kind of hold does he have on you that would make you come back to this god-awful place?"
ScarlettP: "He got some pictures from my family's last Christmas party."
Anchor: "...aaaaand that's... bad?"
ScarlettP: "Well, they're pictures like... this one 'ere."
Anchor: "Oh, my God."
ScarlettP: "No, it's just my cousin with..."
Anchor: "Thank you, let's leave that for now, shall we... no fuss... let's go on with the latest news from Chattanooga, the city by the bay, the city that never sleeps, the city that sounds like a freight train coming chattanooga-chattanooga-choo-choo!"
Anchor: "How do you feel about astronauts wearing diapers?"
ScarlettP: "What's that got to do with... oh, never mind – well, as long as it's extra soft. On those long flights you just have to have some soft material on your bee-hind and I suppose..."
Anchor: "Couldn't they just do like Alan Shepard?"
ScarlettP: "Not if you're in the car on your way to abduct the other woman, it would totally ruin the seats. But what..."
Anchor: "Nowak's from Houston, isn't she? And that's in the South! And so's Tennessee!"
ScarlettP: "That's pretty silly."
Anchor: "So is sending cookies across the Atlantic."
ScarlettP: "I was being nice, dammit!"
Anchor: "It had nothing to do with some pervert having possession of a certain... private item of yours? Extortion plays really well with the viewers, you know."
ScarlettP: "Well, it's true that my soul's been hidden some where over there by..."
Anchor: "Soul? I was talking about the diaries."
Anchor: "Eh... I was told Ethric the Mad Lich had some sort of hold on you and that he had a diary?"
ScarlettP: "No, he had diarrhea. 's why he couldn't be here t'night."
Anchor: "I see... did this have anything to do with those... cookies you sent him?"
ScarlettP: *ahem* "Well, they were perfectly fine when they left my care, I suppose anything could've happened to 'em in transit."
Anchor: "But there's nothing wrong with this lovely cake you brought tonight, I trust? No laxative in this? Heh heh."
ScarlettP: "Oh, I'm eatin' it myself you know."
Anchor: "Yes, it's quite delicious."
ScarlettP: "Mm-hm, good thing I'm resistant to it."
Anchor: "Excuse me, I'll just go to the restroom for a while."
Studio Commentary: "Ladies and Gentle men, the lovely ScarlettP, a nice hand of applause if you please. We'll be back with more or less sooner or later if we can find someone interesting."
Studio Commentary: "What's all this, then? An interview? Must be that time of the month again... You know, that time of the month when the server is working, there's absolutely nothing good on the telly and you-know-who just bought a new bottle of Scotch. Better get to it right away, before something funny happens."
Anchor: "Too late. Winterfate, welcome to the show and please take off that silly hat. You look like a garden gnome."
Winterfate: "Aw, come off – it's velvet, man!"
Winterfat: "It's all the fashion! All the cool kids wear'em!"
Anchor: "I hardly think so."
Winterfart: "It set me back three grand!"
Anchor: "Guess money rules when good taste fails. Let's get to it, shall we?"
Winterfad: "Get to what?"
Anchor: "What you're here for. The hot stuff."
Winterfade: "Erhm... this isn't going to be like that Simpsons episode, is it? Where they visit that "Steelworkers of America" steel plant where all the workers are gay...?"
Anchor: "I don't get it."
Wintershade: "Molten iron? Hot stuff coming through?"
Anchor: "You'd better not be thinking about taking your shirt off. The hat you can lose."
Winterhate: "No. I like it."
Anchor: "That's 'cause you're insane."
Anchor: "Look, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either take that incredibly silly hat off and stick it somewhere I can't see it, or I'm gonna have a stunt man jump you and snatch it before he sticks it in the furnace."
Winterbat: "Sorry, hat stay on. And he can't snatch it if I pull it very hard down over my face."
Anchor: "Good, hides your face. Question time. What do you bring to the Round Table?"
Winterbait: "Enthusiasm, amusing jokes, an average posting rate of eleven a day and one damn fine velvet hat."
Anchor: "You mean you're an average Joe."
Anchor: "One of those guys who comes for the fun and the games and the total lack of discipline and spends all his time in the Campfire and brings nothing to the other forums."
Winterlake: "You want discipline in the forums? Like, people posting only answers to the questions asked, asking only relevant questions that have never been asked and answered before, never posting out of turn or off the topic or doing anything even remotely resembling fun? You want a nazi community? Man, guys like that just make me wanna punch my head through a wall."
Anchor: "You say that as though it was a bad thing."
Winterwake: "Have you any idea how expensive it is to fix a wall these days?"
Anchor: "Yeah, but seriously – what sets you apart from the other average Joes and lonesome Jims, what sort of imprint do you make, what do you bring to the Table?"
Anchor: "But that hardly makes you unique?"
Winterwank: "Don't forget the hat."
Anchor: "Let's talk about your latest game proposal..."
Wintermate: "Yeh, it sucked."
Anchor: "... you said that creatures... errr what?"
Anchor: "Eeehh... I'm not sure I follow..."
Winterwait: "Sucked. Big time."
Anchor: "Bu-but I was just going to say..."
Winterwaiter: "Like a vacuum cleaner the moment Chernobyl went kaboom."
Anchor: "But I had this whole line of arguments lined up against it here..."
Winterwater: "Took the wind out of your sails a bit there?"
Anchor: "I'll say."
Winterhater: "Honesty always gives you the advantage of surprise with the press."
Anchor: "Speaking of surprises...
*thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *HUMPPPH!!*
Anchor: "Quick, isn't he."
Wintersquinter: "That guy took my hat!"
Anchor: "That guy is our stunt man. Got some moves, too – see that way he just dove over you, grabbing the target midway?"
Wintermint: "Where's he going with my hat!?"
Anchor: "Relax, it'll be taken downstairs and burned, you'll never see it again."
Wintermind: "That's supposed to make me relax...!?"
Anchor: "Now, if we could proceed to the more illuminating part of the interview I'd like to ask you about fashion – what is it, where did it come from and where is it going in the future..."
Winterblind: "He is going to burn my hat!?"
Anchor: "Yes, yes, so it appears. Please, I'm not used to being interrupted. You see, the whole point of fashion is to ensure the revolution of clothing manufactured by the capitalist producers and purchased by the population..."
Winterdeaf: "Now, I will not have this – I demand that the stunt man immediately..."
Anchor: "Shut up or I'll hit you very hard over the head with a ladle. Now I lost my thread. Let's switch to the next issue: some photos we got off your hard drive."
Winterdumb: "What about my ha... what do you mean!?"
Anchor: "I particularly liked this one by the pool, of the guy the baird?"
Winterdumber: "Hey! Keep my mom out of this!"
Anchor: "What about this one?"
Winterdust: "OK, that may have been a bit over the top, but in my defence, I was very drunk at the time."
Anchor: "We've got some vids too, if you'd like to..."
Winterbust: "You wanna come back to my place?"
Anchor: "... what...!?"
Winterbus "You wanna come back to my place?"
Anchor: "Yeah, all right."
Studio Commentary: "Today, on this wonderful, spectacular, breathtaking Monday of February, we bring you... a bit of a downer."
Anchor: "Mr. Veldrynus, welcome to the studio, and welcome back to the boards!"
Veldrynus: "Shuddup. And turn off that f***ing jingle."
Anchor: "Not a big fan of U2, eh?"
Veldrynus: "F***ing over-paid, false-singing, rhythm-less, over-zealous motherf..."
Anchor: "Right – a bit grumpy today, are we?"
Veldrynus: "I f***ing hate this place. Not just this place, the whole globe is so f***ing dull."
Anchor: "I see. And..."
Veldrynus: "In fact, I can control my excitement for the entire solar system."
Anchor: "Well, if..."
Veldrynus: "The universe sucks."
Anchor: "What's wrong with it?"
Veldrynus: "It's f***ing 3D, for starters."
Veldrynus: "And then there's the ridiculous notion that because we loved the old world, somehow that justifies moving on to a brand new one without as much as a goodbye-party."
Anchor: "Ah! Wavelength match. You're talking about the Heroes universe."
Veldrynus: "They drop in hints here and there... this bi*ch who was the "turned to necromancy by Sandro himself", for instance... but what's the point of that if the whole old world is gone and no connection is made to the new one?"
Anchor: "So what you're saying is that..."
Veldrynus: "It's crap!"
Anchor: "Oookey. So you're disappointed."
Anchor: "Feel it was a waste of money."
Veldrynus: "Well, it would have been if I had bought it."
Anchor: "Ah. But lots of time, I gather."
Veldrynus: "No, I only played it for ten minutes."
Anchor: "Right. So your main complaint is... that a game you didn't buy or play very much was...bad. Tell me, are you one of those who get upset with web admins for not keeping the sites you browse up to date?"
Veldrynus: "Of course! One should expect more from them."
Anchor: "People who use their spare time to make websites you can browse for free?"
Veldrynus: "Yes. Slackers."
Anchor: "Right. Now, let's talk about why you were banned from the forum some time ago."
Veldrynus: "I was bad."
Anchor: "Y...e...e...e...s, we kind of got that from the response. What did you do, exactly?"
Veldrynus: "Well, I was being bad. Bad boy."
Anchor: "Yes, but what was it?"
Veldrynus: "Look, I am the best Heroes 4 mapmaker around, agreed?"
Anchor: "Well, one of the best, I would..."
Anchor: "Please put the vase down, it's quite expensive. Now, tell me what it was you did before I call your mom."
Veldrynus: "Nonono don't do that, I'll be nice, see, the vase is on the table."
Veldrynus: "Oh, I just asked for permission to do something, and when they said no I did it anyway."
Anchor: "Ah... but then, what's the point of even asking?"
Veldrynus: "I forgot that it's usually easier to get forgiveness than permission."
Anchor: "So, after a bit of time in the penalty box they let you come back."
Veldrynus: "Yes, because I'm the best mapmaker around and the boards would be so empty without me."
Anchor: "Without your bitching and whining and constant flow of sarcastic comments, you mean?"
Veldrynus: "Uh-huh. But this is hardly news, is it?"
Anchor: "You're complaining that we're not up do date, now?"
Veldrynus: "Well, this is supposed to be the news, isn't it?"
Anchor: "No, it's a feature."
Veldrynus: "Well, that's all right then."
Veldrynus: "That's my line."
Anchor: "All right, that's that, then."
Veldrynus: "Hey! Um... I did have one last thing before we go back to our respective worlds of complaining and bothering the hell out of people..."
Veldrynus: "Well, I hear that you're on a first-name basis with some of the hunnies 'round here and I was wondering..."
Anchor: "Oh, you mean the groupies?"
Veldrynus: "Yess – any chance you could set me up on a date with one of them?"
Anchor: "Blonde? Brunette?"
Anchor: "Aaaaall right... lemme just call up this one I met at a wrap party last week... Ah! Hey, babe – remember you said I could call you any time? Yeh, I'm calling on behalf of my man Veldrynus – he's too shy to ask you out... Aha! You've seen Vel? Not your type... So what's your type, then? Aha... Beat it, Vel, we don't need you right now..."
Studio Commentary: "So, in the middle of writing an introductory thesis, our team also managed to get through the entire last season of "The West Wing", a book on European cities in the Middle Ages, working evenings and prepare a lecture on the northern areas of the Arctic in just two days."
Anchor: "Everest is for sissies."
Studio Commentary: "This is when you tell me that sleep is for the weak and that the drooling, the redness in your eyes, your continuous twitching and irritable behaviour is part of your normal state of operation?"
Anchor: "Well, sleep lacks a certain... masculine... whatever..."
Studio Commentary: "Well, since you're unable to function as interviewer, I drafted in a replacement for tonight, hope you don't mind."
Anchor: "I do mind."
Studio Commentary: "I don't care. Get outta here. Get some sleep. Eat some food. See that girl you were schmoozing the other day."
Anchor: "Yeah, yeah..."
Studio Commentary: "Roben! Take it away!"
Robenhagen: "What, now? But I've got a thing."
Studio Commentary: "All right, we'll try something new. Just let the guests interview themselves, m'kay?"
Robenhagen: "Yeah okay. Guys! You're up!"
Paulus: "Should we just... start?"
Robenhagen: "Do whatever you want. I'm outta here."
Paulus: "Okey, so, what's up, guys?"
Pol: "I brought a deck of cards. We can play Pig."
Paulus: "We got a third player?"
Paulus: "Hey, Omega_Destroyer! Or "OD", as I sometimes like to call you."
OD: "Sometimes I like to call you "cupcake", is that OK?"
Pol: "Deal the cards, man."
OD: "So, what's goin' on?"
Paulus: "The studio guys left, so we have the place to ourselves."
Pol: "Total free-for-all. Open mike."
OD: "Any booze around here?"
Pol: "Dunno. But hey, let's talk about that article."
OD: "What's he talking about?"
Paulus: "There was an article in a gaming mag, with an interview with some producer. Says it's possible we'll see another M&M title coming up soon™."
Pol: "I bet it's M&M 7! I just know it!"
Paulus: "Nononono! Don't say it, man! What the hell is the matter with you? You wanna tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing?"
Paulus: "Then run outside, turn three times and spit."
OD: "And curse."
Pol: "Spit and..."
OD: "He's off. Let's see what kinda cards he's got."
Paulus: "Any threes there?"
OD: "Nah. Kings and eights."
OD: "Put it back, here he comes."
Paulus: "You done?"
Pol: "I turned, I spat, I cursed. Whatever."
OD: "Can't be too careful."
Pol: "You really can."
OD: "So what's with that Olympics thing? Any of you guys play?"
Paulus: "I can bring it."
Pol: "Hey, what happened to my cards?"
Pol: "I thought I put them over here..."
Paulus: "Nah, over there."
OD: "Pretty cool to own the joint. We can do what we want. Say, anybody want to try out the Anchor chair?"
Pol: "Hell, no."
OD: "Why not? C'mon, it's comfy. Ahh..."
Paulus: "Dude, I don't think that anchor guy has any pants on when he's on the air..."
OD: "You know, you could've told me that before I sat down."
Paulus: "Funnier this way."
Pol: "I've got three jacks."
OD: "Stuff that. Let's talk about the new patch."
Pol: "True. What else?"
OD: "I'm still waitin' on the booze."
Paulus: "I think Roben swiped it before he left."
Pol: "What else?"
Paulus: "I think there's some lemonade in the fridge over there."
OD: "There's a fridge?"
Paulus: "Well, I guess the staff need a few items of luxuries."
OD: "Is that a television I see over there?"
Paulus: "To watch the show during taping, I guess."
OD: "A couch..."
Paulus: "For the guests."
Pol: "I can dig this place."
OD: "Is that the ModMobile I see out there on the tarmac?"
Paulus: "Lemme see!"
Pol: "I guess that's what these keys are for..."
OD: "... you guys thinking what I'm thinking?"
Paulus: "...that we should take this opportunity to experience first-hand the acclaimed comfort and style this ride has to offer?"
OD: "Yeah, and if it's really true that it can do nought-to-sixty in three seconds flat."
Pol: "Hang on, hang on! We can't just take the thing out for a joyride just like that!"
Paulus: "He's right."
Pol: "Grab the lemonade first."
OD: "And, we're off!"
Studio Commentary: "We've got some news... and it's not good, folks. We go now to our reporter in the field, who is not in a field right now. He's right here in the building."
Reporter: "Yes, I am currently making my way down to the bullpen, where Kalah is polishing the final draft of his final issue. Having not submitted any material for weeks, it hardly came as a surprise to us here in the office that the little weasel has decided to discontinue the series of RTW articles altogether."
Reporter: "Mr. Kalah, why have you decided to..."
Kalah: "Hardly a surprise? You were shocked."
Reporter: "Well, not really. I was quick to call my broker and dump my stock options, but I don't think that constitutes a..."
Kalah: "All right, now you've moved past the point where I lost interest."
Reporter: "Well, why don't you tell us about your motives; why did you decide to stop writing?"
Kalah: "Got bored."
Reporter: "Wow, you nearly had me dazzled with that clever web of words."
Kalah: "I've been writing it for a while now, and I've run out of good ideas. Since I grew weary of waiting for one to pop into my head, I decided to move onto other things, like my thesis."
Reporter: "Which is about..."
Kalah: "International conflicts regarding Norway's ocean territories in the north, and what role the continental shelf has played in shaping the... I've passed the point where you lost interest, haven't I?"
Reporter: "Some time ago, yes."
Kalah: "Well, you'll have to excuse me, I've got some more typing to do."
Reporter: "What are you working on?"
Kalah: "Updating my CV."
Reporter: "Ah. Got any offers yet?"
Kalah: "You mean except for the offers from NASA, the Washington Post and the UN?"
Reporter: "Well, I'm sure something will turn up."
Kalah: "I'm sure."
Reporter: "So, this is the last of the RTW, is it? Nothing more planned?"
Kalah: "Well, yes. I might be persuaded to come up with some special feature articles from time to time – if the money's good enough... but I'm not committing to any deadlines again. The "weekly" is done with."
Reporter: "That was more or less a symbolic deadline anyway, wasn't it?"
Kalah: "Not at first. It got moved around a bit, but I planned on making weekly things. I guess sooner or later you get bored unless you don't have to sit down and write."
Reporter: "So you're not likely to finish that book you started either?"
Kalah: "I'm not talking about that. It'll jinx the project."
Reporter: "What would happen if you came up with a great idea for a new article, then?"
Kalah: "I'd stuff it in a drawer and save it for a special occasion like Christmas or Milla's birthday."
Reporter: "What if somebody else came up with a great idea and told you about it so you could write about it?"
Kalah: "I'd stuff it someplace else."
Reporter: "You're not into ghost writers?"
Kalah: "What are you insinuating!? I mean, I liked the guy, but I have absolutely no such..."
Reporter: "I mean other people writing for you. You know, ghosting."
Kalah: "Ah... well... *ahem* no, not really. I want to write my own stuff."
Reporter: "What was that you were going to say about..."
Kalah: "Say! That weather is really nice today, isn't it!"
Reporter: "It's two degrees above freezing, and it's snowing."
Kalah: "Yeees... Nice, ain't it."
Reporter: "So, let's get back to why I came down here, which was to see if I could sneak off with any cool trinkets from your desk after you left for good... did I say that out loud? I meant interview you about... er... a last couple of things."
Kalah: "Well, I'm just about done, so be quick."
Reporter: "There is a party of some sort planned, I hear?"
Kalah: "Yeah, it's a party celebrating either the announcement of the second H5 expansion or my departure."
Reporter: "You will not be here to cover the event?"
Kalah: "Nah. That's your job. I'm off to Tahiti."
Kalah: "Well, really it's just the south coast of Norway, but that comes pretty close. Anything else?"
Reporter: "Just a couple more questions... um, what is your favourite colour?"
Kalah: "Blue. But you knew that."
Reporter: "What is the maximum load capacity of a European swallow?"
Kalah: "About 150 grams, but it depends on the swallow. Also, the weight will affect its range."
Reporter: "What's your next article going to be about?"
Kalah: "Not writing one."
Reporter: "If you were?"
Kalah: "The ridiculous cutscenes in Heroes 5."
Reporter: "Favourite tea?"
Reporter: "Favourite cricket team?"
Kalah: "Don't have one."
Reporter: "But... what about your bat?"
Kalah: "That's just for killing people."
Reporter: "Football team then?"
Kalah: "The Spurs."
Reporter: "OK, I'm done."
Kalah: "So am I. Outta here."
Reporter: "You wanna come back to my place later?"
Kalah: "Yeh, sure."
Studio Commentary: "That's it, folks. If Kalah decides to write anything again, it'll be surprising. And pay-per-view. Ta!"